My struggle -My yoyo weight
This month we acknowledged and celebrated Mental Health Awareness week which highlighted a range of mental health issues and the relevant support services available. I have decided to dedicate my next blog post below, where I will be sharing some thoughts and a bit of my experience around my struggle “My Yoyo Weight ”
My struggle – “My yo yo weight “, well everything has a beginning, I was told that I weighed 10 lb at birth. Well ain’t that something! God bless my super mum. As far as I can remember I have always fluctuated in my weight. I remember vividly being taken to the doctors on a regular basis as a child for repeat injections, I think my parents were worried, that I wasn’t eating well, and all I ate was bread.
Well I guess the injections paid off because, towards the end of my primary school years. I was quite chubby and cuddly for my age. I remembered being teased about my weight with the highest culprits being my family members. I grew up in an extended family household, in West Africa. I used to be taunted with names like ” Fatso” ” Fatty Bumpy “. The truth is I loved to eat, and wanted to have a taste of everybody’s food, looking back it seems funny, but I really did love my food.
Transitioning into secondary school, I was still chubby and whilst I wasn’t openly teased about my weight. I began to deal with the self- image issues. I suddenly became aware that I was a bit on the chubby end , and yes there were others bigger than me. This self-awareness of my body meant I wasn’t confident with my body, I hated PE not because I didn’t enjoy sports but we had these horrible tunics we had to wear with my big fat thighs, and I hated it.
Finding Myself in the pendulum
One thing I knew and was very conscious of was my weight. I was pudgy and cuddly. Transitioning and trying to find my own identity, myself worth, during all the emotional baggage was a task. I was a very shy girl with low self-confidence. I may have been I guess in middle school, were you begin to think of boys a bit more and hear friends talk about their boyfriends. Well I got teased and was told that “I would never get a boyfriend” because I was too fat . That affected me a lot, no one to love me, the sad thing was I believed it then, never mind the fact that I had no business thinking of boys then. Not to say the least what my parents would have done to me if they ever found out! By the way I don’t recall having services where I could go and talk about my weight or get advice back then) you just tough it out.
One evening as I answered the phone I stooped down and couldn’t get back up, I had a sharp acute pain ,and mentioning the pain a relative who was close by responded and said to me that I was in pain because I was fat and I had eaten too much , but the pain intensified. Thankfully my mother rushed me to the Dr’s, and on examination it was acute appendicitis . I was admitted immediately and surgery done the next day Thank God for His interventions. Imagine even in my pain i was subjected to refrence to my weight ,no empathy nada ! I had to deal with it.
Post-Surgery Effect -The Reversal
After the surgery, I started shedding off the “puppy fat” as they say. As if by magic, I was being transformed into this beautiful swan and people just couldn’t work out how, I did it, but I say miracles happen. I became increasingly aware that I looked and felt different and I loved the new me. I was being noticed and I loved the attention. It was different, it was almost a relief it seemed to some people that I had shredded some pounds, not that they carried the weight for me though ! well I kind of maintained a stable healthy weight for years, I never dieted or took any supplements. I was very happy in myself and I went through a whole different stage with the new found me which led to some exciting open doors for which I was grateful to be a part of.
Different this time round -Difficult Navigation
Well fast forward many years who would have thought I would still be on the” yoyo trail” again. You would think you have mastered the skill of coping? Right hmm no wrong, at least in my case. not that I needed anybody to tell me or remind me, even though my clothes revealed the fact of my current position. I think the most difficult time I’ve ever faced was losing weight later in life. Nothing prepared me for what I experienced next. I never thought of the comments, intrusive questioning, judgmental statements, and share lack of tact from people,will have an effect on me.
Snap shot of greetings and comments made to me “Oh my God you lost a lot, a lot of weight” “ looks like you are wasting away in that dress” “can we talk I’m a bit concerned is everything ok, I wasn’t happy when I saw you, you know I’m here for you” “ yeah I lost a bit ..no I think you’ve lost more than xx stones” “you keep losing weight” it even got to the point where I had few people who seemed to make it their duty to make a comment about my weight every time I bumped into them ,thankfully I was able to address them. Sometimes I just wanted to scream “Shut up” I got tired of the broken record!
I wanted to share glimpse of my experience, it may seem trivial to others but its my story, even though I have “yo yo” in weight all my life, I had a different experience at each stage. This is me, I learned to love me, and not allow the opinion of others to determine my life. I am grateful to God who has given me the confidence to know who I am and whose I am, I know my identity. As a Christian knowing who I am in Christ gives me a whole new perspective to life.
No matter the shape, size or colour or race I am loved by God .
REMINDER:People loose weight for all sort of reasons some for health reasons, to get in shape, for their wedding, or special occasions for all sorts of reasons, unfortunately sometimes it may be due to an illness or stress related issue.
None the less please use wisdom, Think before you speak, do you really need to make a comment ? Do you know there’s power in the words we say? your words could add more damage than heal!
Encouragement: Everybody has their own story, we need to find ourselves and our purpose in life. Live life to the fullest, we have been crafted and designed by the author of life Himself. God does not make mistakes! I hope this scripture encourages you:
Psalm 139:14 “I praise
you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
You are beautiful, handsome, say it believe it and speak words of life and affirmation over yourself, you are your best publicist!